How to play the dating game

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”  William Shakespeare – A Midsummer Night’s Dream


Maybe you’ve just started dating, or are about to post a profile for the first or even umpteenth time. You’re still looking for your soul mate, but feel slightly intimidated by the whole dating scene.

Or perhaps for you, you enjoy dating and meeting potential suiters yet you still haven’t met “the one”.

So how can you improve your chances?

Well for starters, there’s confidence. Confidence is a highly attractive quality.

Self-confidence is said to predict romantic desirability, limit the potential for romantic rivals, and seems to help people win hearts.

Research suggests that walking into a first date with confidence sets the stage for successful romantic initiation.

To reap the benefits of dating confidence is not to simply feel internally a sense of assurance and comfort in your own skin, but more importantly to display that confidence.

Taking in your physical attributes when you look in the mirror the way you would those of a child, a loved one or a dear friend with appreciation and acceptance, not criticism.

Smile – Everyone finds a smiling face more attractive than a non-smiling one. So check your smile regularly – fake it if you have to until it becomes the norm.

My clients all know that I encourage breathing. Deep mindful breathing.

Shallow breathing manifests itself as tension in your face, throat, even your shoulders. But when you take deep, slow breaths you look and feel more at ease in your body. So take a moment… and breathe

Never deflect praise about your appearance. Simply say “thank you” when someone compliments your hair, your eyes, your outfit. You (and your admirer) will feel better about the exchange, creating positive reinforcement that makes you both want to give and receive compliments more often.

Dating isn’t like it used to be.

1950s Malt Shop

Dating changes with time. Not so long ago people would meet at parties, dances or get fixed up on a blind date by a friend. Newspaper ‘lonely heart ads’ were once very popular also.

Today many people use online dating.

People’s experiences with online dating tend to be mixed. Some people have excellent experiences with online dating that end in healthy long term relationships, others find it confusing and frustrating. And so much like any other ways to date, meeting someone online has both benefits and drawbacks.

For instance, online dating provides access to more potential partners than individuals are likely to meet in their day to day lives. This is especially true for people interested in partners of a particular type, orientation, lifestyle, or live in isolated areas.  On the flipside, the sheer number of choices can become confusing and overwhelming.

People who have come out of unhealthy or toxic relationships may find they’ve lost confidence and feelings of self-worth and find it difficult to put their trust in someone or to give of themselves again. It’s important to try not to bring previous relationship ‘baggage’ forward into a new relationship. Sure, lessons should be learned – but that’s where it should end. Talking too much or in too much detail about a past relationship and the negative things you put up with or accepted, it may send a subliminal message to your date that your emotional ‘bar’ is set a bit low.

It really doesn’t matter which of these apply directly to you, what does matter is that you’ve decided you would like to be more confident and more successful when going on dates. And while you can’t control when and where love will find you, you can make sure you are in the right state of mind to notice when it does and to be in a position to offer it back.

Hypnotherapy can help build your confidence and strengthen your self- esteem by overcoming any blockages that may be holding you back.  Hypnotherapy can help you find new ways to be open and receptive to relationship opportunities giving you the chance to build long lasting loving relationships.

Gail Marra D.Hyp MNCH (Acc) LAPHP is a GHR registered Clinical Hypnotherapist accredited by the National Council for Hypnotherapy, Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapy, National Register of Psychotherapists and Counsellors and the Complimentary and Natural Healthcare Council

10 Harley Street, London W1G 9PF      Tel: 020 7873 2051

The Chilston Clinic, Royal Tunbridge Wells TN4 8RA      Tel: 01892 513535


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s